Samhain Is Soon

Samhain, Halloween, all hallows eve; whatever you want to call it, is fast approaching. Fall is such an interesting time of the year. You get to watch the world change in brilliant shades of orange, red, yellow, and brown. And I finally get to wear my crochet scarves! But what I like about it most is knowing that each day is getting shorter and the spirits are getting more and more anxious for Samhain.

Samhain is a celebration of thanks and the end of the harvest. The God is going to rest until Yule, then he will be reborn. It is also the time where the spiritual and physical world separates and is more apparent, the dead and living get to enjoy a sabbat or holiday together.

Nowadays it is unlikely for someone to harvest unless it is a garden or farm. So the more modern form of celebration is dressing up and trick or treating, and if you are a part of paganism (whatever religious sect you chose) a bountiful feast and getting in contact with your deceased loved ones or simply acknowledging the dead is fitting.

I personally like to celebrate holidays in a more traditional way which can be rather complicated if you do not have the right resources. I spend the day open minded and relaxed, allowing the presence of the spirits to enjoy themselves. I carve jack-o-lanterns and then bake the seeds for a tasty treat; of course leaving a bowl out for any hungry spirit. As the day passes and it becomes darker, more and more candles are lit. Afternoon we all dress up in our finest Halloween garb and then at around 8pm I take my little sisters trick-or-treating. They get to enjoy some sweets before bed and of course a few spook stories. Then finally, either alone or with fellow Pagans, I clear my mind and create a circle.

I give thanks to the gods and goddesses and to the spirits joining us that night and I ask for a clear mind and protection while I go into the depths of the spirit world to give a visit with my dead loved ones. When all this is done I give another thank you and say goodbye to the visitors. Time for bed then.

Really Samhain is a wonderful time. I just love how everyone feels equal and get to act whoever they want to be. I love how I get to visit with my passed loved ones and know that they are doing fine. So much magic in every sense of the word. You do not have to be a form of Pagan religion in order to enjoy it so deeply though. You are always welcome to share the joy. I personally am apart of the Wiccan form of Paganism. A lot of people mistake Paganism for being its own religion. Do you know how Christianity has many different sects such as Catholic, Jewish, Protestant? This is the same for Paganism and all sorts of other religions. It is a common and understandable misconception. :)

I think I will post a new Halloween idea every day in October until Halloween itself. Something like a craft or snack or costume idea. Yes, I will do this. Oh, how fun! I really hope you all enjoy it, I know that I will; I am so excited!

Lovers

Lately I have been longing for a romantic touch. Simple stroke of the cheek, hands tracing mine, something. I am usually not one to crave such things. My life has been me not caring much for affection or romantic love but this feeling is so intense. Can you explain it? I cannot.

I have many admirers (I am not bragging) but I am not interested. It is very hard for me to connect to people. Especially on a romantic level. I have a couple potential choices, but they really are not choices and are rather complicated. You see, I have this fear of men. I cannot and will not be left alone with a man and the thought of sexual interaction grosses me out to be honest.

I am attracted to men, I just do not want to be touched by them. A man has his needs and I do not blame him at all. No matter how patient they may be, there will come a time where they cannot wait any longer and that is not fair to them. So I do not date men because of my lack of sexual interest and fear.

Women however, I am sexually interested in. Very much so actually. The problem is finding myself a woman. There are some who are attracted to me, but I do not want to be with them. I want quality and I am sorry to say, they simply are not. There is one woman in my life who I love so much in every way. Her just being my friend gives me the satisfaction I need. With her I do not ever need a lover. But she is not sure about her feelings for me other than friendship.

This is okay though, if you knew our history you could better understand, that is something I am not going into today though. The point for today is deciphering my romantic longing. Yes I did just say that I am satisfied with having nothing but her friendship and nothing or no one else. This is so very true, but it does not stop the cravings.

In bed I cling to my pillows for comfort, I want the safety that another body provides. I look in the mirror and see the loneliness in my eyes. When I touch my lips I feel how cold they are. My hands are so empty. None of this makes me sad it just reminds me of what I do not have. Even though I do not need it, I want it. I want a lover.

Here is an interesting twist on things; I want a man. As previously stated, I am not sexually attracted to them so this happening is nil, but what I mean is I want a woman who is masculine. Feminine masculine, if that makes any sense. Such as a woman who is more a gentleman but is still obviously physically a woman. Oh, I cannot explain it! I have never been good at explaining things.

Anyway, I really am not too picky about physicality, this is just the ideal. So my longing remains, I dream of my gentlemanly woman who will give me all that I need and more. I will give to her all she needs and more as well. I long for perfect romantic balance. Until then I am here feeding off of romanticism.

All A Jumble

The things that I have been through, the things I have seen, I just don't know why it all happened to me and I am sure more is to come. This post is not about self pity or sadness. It is about my own personal demons and how I am going to try and handle them.

I need to organize my thoughts, I cannot plan when I will be hit like a ton of bricks by a shadowed memory, but I need to have a game plan for when it happens. I am currently going through said bricks, so this is a great time to do some thinking. Okay, demons I have buried are here to visit, give them a wave? Accept them? Run away? No. I need to face them. It has been way too long and now is the time.

I will face them with confidence, I have made it this far and I must keep going. I have the strength to take them and eliminate them for once and for all. I am a strong and fierce woman. I am a princess, and when faced with trouble one must keep their nose in the air and not let the feelings show. There is nothing wrong with emotion but keep them under control. I need to keep control.

Accept help when I need it and even though I think I do not need it does not mean that I cannot accept it. That was a bit of a circular sentence was it not? I am writing this post to clear my mind. As you can see I am having a bit of a time keeping calm. I am calm, I am breathing, I am composed.

There will be times when what I am saying is not organized or carefully written. It is okay though, there is never a person who is consistently perfect. Or perfect in general. I am rambling and completely off focus. Oh my, I think I am done with this for now.

Curious Romantic Spell (poem)

I'll hold the candle to your face and tell you that I'm here.
But if the candle should erase, I'll darken down your fear.
Your words I will give power but only if you believe,
from my tongue they dance, only to deceive.

Brush your hair one hundred times while looking in a mirror,
eat the apple pieces before the time draws nearer.
If you've eaten all your pieces before the clock strikes twelve,
as you sleep your dreams will wake with the most romantic spell.

You'll see the face of your true love, for this I am so sure.
But if you look and search too hard, you'll never find the cure.
On the day of marriage when you say your vows,
be careful not to mention, your innocent childish prowls.

If you do time will reverse, and the darkest days will come,
the candle's flame will rehearse the words of the witch's tongue.
Remember what I told you? About there being no cure?
Blow the candle out my dear, next time don't be so sure.

- Doll

I wrote this in spirit of the holiday to come, Samhain of course! Or all hallows-eve, Halloween, etc~ Now I know that it is not October yet but I figure I better start preparing now, so much to do! This poem is inspired by the ancient belief that if you brush your hair one hundred times while looking in a mirror, also eating the nine pieces of a red apple, when you go to sleep that night you will see the face of your true love in your dreams! It was more common amongst curious little girls. But be careful!

Goals

So I was asked today what my career plans are and I said, "My mind is ever changing." My brain produces so many possibilities and I am interested in so many different things that I have a thousand things I could do but not an actual game plan. It is good to set a realistic goal, even if you change it, having something to work towards can be a rewarding experience.

I figured I would take a closer look into this question, and I did so in the following way;

1. What are my talents?
2. What are my interests?
3. What am I interested in the most?
4. What is the main 'genre' (art, sport, medical, etc..) of my interests?
5. What is my most consistent interest?
6. What is the more realistic option?

Thinking about those 6 questions really did help to narrow it down for me but I am still so indecisive. What if my mind changes? What if what if what if. Well the wonderful thing about being so young (seventeen so I really do need to be serious about my path) is that I have time to change my mind and do different things. I am not ready to be something astronomical right now, I just want to make sure I do the right things so that I still of a wide range of options when the future becomes my present.

When I come up with something I am sure I will write about it, until then I am going to look into the two most appealing career paths I have come up with for now:
Visual arts and artistic philosophy teacher or World War II and antisemitic historian.

Optimism

If there has ever been a better time to smile it is right now. A few months ago tragedy struck the relationship between me and my very best friend. We distanced and fell apart while going our separate ways. This left me feeling very alone as you see, I may be a friendly individual but I have a very hard time connecting with and caring about people. Something I must work on, but that isn't the story for this post.

Time passed and I did my best to look at this situation in every light or to simply not look at it at all. I, being and optimistic person, decided that the best way to handle this was to be thankful for the lessons learned and time shared while the relationship was alive. Despite my best efforts and forced smiles, the ice started to form.

Success flooded me. Accomplishments occurred. Everything seem to be going fine, it wasn't. My art had left my fingers and my smile vanished. People I thought who were friends were revealing themselves and dropping like flies, I was literally becoming solitary. The ice had almost completely formed around my heart once again and I had come to accept my fate. You see, I learn to adapt despite the situation. It is key to survival after all; Then suddenly I received an instant message from her.

It started out as simple chit chat, nothing to remember really, but it then grew and grew into tear-stained words and violent expression. I spilled the reality onto the floor (do not worry, I remained composed and lady-like) and she shared her perspectives, opinions, and views. We discussed and empathized hour after hour til finally the perfect words were spoken. We confessed our missing each other and constructed a solution. With that we are now friends again.

There are rough patches to be smoothed, primarily on my part because I am so sensitive, but my heart was saved just in time. I feel the ice melting again and I smile brighter than I ever have before. I have my very best friend back and I forgive her completely. Friendship is something I value over everything else and her friendship is something irreplaceable. I feel whole again, revived, like I could take on the world again. I love this feeling and I love that girl.

My love for her goes worlds beyond friendship but just to be able to say 'friend' is more than good enough for me. I do not need her romanticism, I need her love. I have known this even before her. It does not matter to me if I end up with a lover. It matters to me if I end up with a forever friend and guess what, here she is, the only person in the entire world who has ever been able to turn my hell into heaven. My precious friend, Alice.

Tomato Sandwiches

Tomato sandwiches are my absolute favourite. I am not very good when it comes to cooking, but sandwich making? I am quite excellent if I do say so myself. x) What I love about tomato sandwiches is that it is so easy to make and is satisfying.
Here is the recipe, the portions are for two sandwiches.

Ingredients:
- 1 medium size ripe tomato
- 4 slices of your favourite bread
- mayonnaise
- ground pepper

Utensils:
- butter knife
- knife
- toaster

Steps:
1. Place your bread in the toaster on medium heat and start it.
2. Cut your tomato in whole slices roughly medium thickness (be careful!) using the knife.
3. When toast is ready, take out (be careful!)and spread the mayonnaise on all slices of bread using the butter knife.
4. Sprinkle the ground pepper on all slices of mayo'd bread.
5. Add tomato slices to only one slice of bread per sandwich.
6. Put the other piece of bread on top and enjoy!

Tip:
- Use a knife that has a rigged blade (think teeth) when cutting the tomato, it makes it a lot easier.

Disclaimer: These portions are my personal preference, if you want more tomato add more tomato! If you want no pepper, add no pepper, what ever you do is up to you. :)

Simple Things

In this day and age prices are astronomical and the economy isn't exactly up to par. My grandmother is always talking about when bread use to cost 10 cents. I bring this up because for those of you who are wanting to dedicate yourselves to the princess lifestyle, you may be worried about not being able to afford it. This is a common misconception and perfectly understandable. Princesses are often portrayed as spoiled, wealthy, and lavished.
Have no fear friends, you do not need money to live like a princess just an open mind.

1. Collect flowers and decorate your room. When your flowers are about 3 days old, press them and keep them in a scrap book. Your book could become your mobile garden.

2. Adorn your clothes with beads or faux jewelry. Glue rhinestones to your shoes and wear a beautiful brooch. Simple adjustments to your wardrobe can give you the more noble feel without costing too much.

3. Go for a walk, taking the time to relax and clear your mind can help you feel cleansed and is good for your health too!

4. Treat yourself to your favourite fruit.

5. Watch a movie or read a book, have some time to do nothing but breath.

6. Blow bubbles. Bubbles are so beautiful and can give you a sense of whimsy.

7. Have time for your hobby, sew, write, draw, sculpt, build cars, anything. Just take the time to do it.

8. Read by candle light or do everything by candle light. Candles have a marvelous way of setting the mood whether it be romantic or classic. It can make you feel like you are in a whole other world.

9. Start a dream diary.

10. Have tea time, if you do not like tea then serve your favourite drink(s) in tea cups! It will make you feel more regal and elegant.

( More to come~ )

There are so many other ways to enjoy simple pleasures. Come up with your own and make them into a routine, do something to help yourself relax and enjoy life. You have every right to.

I stress this because so many people let life get the better of them. Of course there are those times when you are overpowered, but when it is over, will you take the time to pick yourself up again? This is my concern. Princesses, princes, everyone of every kind, please listen to your body and to yourself.

Take a little time and enjoy the simple things. You may not realize it now, but those things help you and keep you steady. Like ventilation only a lot more graceful. I wish the best for all of you.

Fashion

I simply love classic Lolita clothing. It is so decadent. I dream of being able to afford anything from my favourite store, Mary Magdalene and Innocent World. Their clothing is artwork come to life. I fantasize about their beautiful form gracing my body, accentuating my beauty.

These are some things from Mary Magdalene;









Are they not gorgeous? I love looking like a doll and living like a princess and there is absolutely nothing wrong with spoiling yourself! After all, in the end you are what you have. That isn't the point of this post, the point is for me to indulge my fantasies and gaze longingly at the beautiful creations I will someday own.

Here are some more things but from Innocent World this time~











I look and sigh then I look at the prices and cry, but have no fear! I do not need designer brand clothing to make me happy and feel beautiful. I can sew myself or reconstruct some clothing, or even find a cheaper vendor! My hunt continues for princess things, I need to make sure I am surrounding myself with positive influence, and what better way to surround yourself than to wear it! x)

I know I am a silly dreamer, that is okay~ I think I will post something about princess beauty, you know, tips and tricks? I think that could be a helpful reminder for myself and an idea for others.

Activities

I think it would be good to create a list of activities that are well suited for ladies. Of course any gentleman has the right to these activities, but I am not a gentleman, I am a lady. Maybe I should make a neutral activities list as well? I will not worry about that for now. Here is my list.

1. Tea Parties
- What a charming way to catch up with friends and enjoy a light meal. You and your friends could take turns hosting the tea parties, or maybe you could make them a different theme!
* Tea set
* Tea
* Table or sitting arrangement
* Decorative cloth
* Plates
* Eating utensils
* Chairs or sitting mats
* Snack trays (3 tier preferably)
* Napkins
* Water basins

2. Garden strolls
- What is more lovely than a walk through a garden or park during a beautiful day? Collect some friends or just yourself, and enjoy the natural world around you.
* Parasol
* Comfortable walking shoes
* Outfit you wouldn't mind getting a little dirty

3. Croquet
- This is one of the most classic outdoor games in elegant history, and for good reason! You can play while looking beautiful in your sundress or vacation suite. It is an enjoyable and relaxing game, for more information go to this website.

4. Crafting or sewing
- Not only will you get to practice your sewing, this delightful activity always leaves you with a present! You can sit inside and craft so many things that could be used as gifts or personal decoration. Enjoy the company of your friends or have some alone time, anything is possible with a needle and thread (or glue :) )
* Panel skirt pattern
* Ball jointed doll (BJD) making tips
* Bear backpack tutorial
* High wasted skirt tutorial
* Flared skirt pattern
* BJD making tips2
* Tote bag pattern
* Lolita dress pattern
* Miniature hat tutorial
* Ribbon Lolita skirt
* Cloth doll making
* Lolita t-shirt reconstruction tutorial
* Basic Lolita skirt pattern
* Fancy Girl (lots of tutorials)

5. Antique shopping
- I love antique stores so much, they are my favourite type of store. You can find so many beautiful treasures and so many princess-like things! I swear it is like walking through time and going on a vintage adventure!

6. Museum visit
- Not only is this an educational opportunity, but it is a fun one as well. There are many different types of museums like art, doll, train, and even bodies! Go with your friends or go alone, either way you are sure to impress your guests at the next social gathering with your various conversational genres.

7. Enjoy the beach
- This is something everyone can enjoy, elegant or not! Go on a family outing or with friends or just you and your pet. Make sandcastles and show off your vintage swimsuit. This is also an excellent chance for a picnic.
* Beach ball
* Large blanket
* Bucket and scoops
* Parasol
* Basket

8. See a movie or play
- Another traditional treat. Save your pennies for a play or go and catch the latest film. There is not much required for such an enjoyable event so this is great for when you are feeling uncreative or tired.

( More to be added! )

Princess Friends

I am happily living my life as a princess, but every now and then it would be nice to have someone to share it with. Yes I have friends and people to talk to, but I do not have someone who I connect with in the princess way. I have a friend who is trying to live the life of a princess, but her way sort of clashes with mine. These little issue leaves me feeling a bit lonely at times.

I wouldn't mind living my life alone, I am content with simplicity and solidarity, but company every now and then would be nice. I want to have tea parties with beautiful princess friends. Discussing pleasant things and planning our next get together. I want to walk in the park and enjoy the world around me, sharing a cream lace parasol with a dainty friend, or even a gentleman!

See, I could live a life sitting on park benches writing poetry and watching the flowers grow. Drinking tea and going to movies or libraries alone, all such pleasant thoughts. Still I think that elegant company would make those simple activities so much better. Well, until I discover friends in which I can share my graceful lifestyle I will enjoy the company of the friends I do have.

I am thankful for them all the same, sundress or safety pinned skirts~

Challenges

In every day there is a challenge. It is normal to face hard and confusing times and we all have our own way of handling these situations. When I chose the life of a princess I knew that there would be discipline and certain ways of doing things, but I underestimated just how hard those things can be.

The challenge for today was composure. I came home to feed my rat and mice (I had been out at a friend's house for the weekend) and noticed that their dishes were empty. So I fed my rat and he was happy and fine and immediately ran off with the peanut. Then I went to go feed my mice but I couldn't find them. I looked through their bedding and finally found my black one almost dead, laying next to her already dead partner. My family had forgotten to feed them while I was out.

At first I couldn't believe it but soon I realized the truth and took my black mouse out of the cage. I ran and got her some soft cheese and my mother made her sugar water. I held her as she slowly nibbled on the cheese, she was almost too weak to chew. I sobbed silently and my mother apologized and helped me nurse my little mouse. Luckily she revived and was nursed back to health (she is playing in her new bedding now~) I am so happy.

What is the point of this story? Composure. Instead of having a panic attack I handled the situation the best I could and instead of being angry at my mother and the family I chose to forgive. It is easy to forget your morals when you're upset. To be honest though, I wasn't mad, that wasn't in my mind. I knew it was an accident and nursing my remaining mouse was priority. All in all I am proud of myself.

Handling situations responsibly makes them much easier and more likely to have a positive outcome. I know that this challenge was a small one, but it was perfect for my first task. On a side note, I am thankful that my mother was here to help me. Accepting help is another important lesson to learn.

I am excited for what life has in store for me.

Guidelines

So now that I have established my lifestyle choice I think making some guidelines would be a good idea. Yes there is the princess code (located in the upper left hand corner of my blog for those interested) which provides an excellent idealism, but those are general "rules." I am myself and I need to establish guidelines that better suite me personally. After all, no two princesses are alike. ;)

These are a rough draft, all things are subject to change, but I will try to commit to these until time suggests otherwise;

1. Live cute.
- This means to have a cute nature, be cute, look cute, live cute.
- Important because it helps to soften your nature and make yourself a more gentle and approachable individual.

2. Be intelligent.
- This means study what you do not know and be open to learning new things.
- Important because it teaches you how to listen and new things that could potential be of use to you as well as help you be a well rounded lady.

3. Be friendly.
- This means greet everyone with a smile and hold a pleasant disposition.
- Important because it teaches tolerance and more effective ways of handling upsetting situations.

4. Manners.
- This means say please and thank you, basic table manners, all that is etiquette.
- Important because it helps you to become a proper lady and manners are just good to have in general.

5. Live beautiful.
- This means to feel beautiful and to look beautiful in YOUR opinion.
- Important because it helps with confidence and self-image issues (if you have any) and it helps you to see the beauty in the world around you.

6. Speak intelligently.
- This means to know when to say things and when not to say things.
- Important because it teaches self discipline and conversational skills.

7. Choose carefully.
- This means to consider your options when presented with a choice and/or everyday living.
- Important because this helps you to think before you act.

8. Be respectful.
- This means to show respect for everyone even if they do not deserve it in your opinion.
- Important because it helps you to keep a mannered head and looking beautiful.

9. Keep an open mind.
- This means to not judge but to try and look at the perspective of said mind.
- Important because it opens up a whole new world of possibilities and can open your one's eyes to a whole new perspective.

10. Be conversational.
- This means to practice discussing many topics and learn how to use your words appropriately.
- Important because this helps you to think before you speak and it is always good to work on your conversational skills.

11. Accept criticism.
- This means to accept the views that others have of you without taking them personally.
- Important because it helps you to grow thick skin and confidence while being able to have an outside perspective of who you are to other people.

12. Be graceful.
- This means to be aware of your actions and surroundings and pursue them gracefully, such as a humming bird to a flower.
- Important because it helps to give you a noble presence and to earn the respect of individuals around you. Grace is a key factor in living the life of a princess and it goes along perfectly with everything else.

( More to come! )



* Disclaimer, Some of these guidelines could sound solely image based but they are NOT. There is a much deeper meaning behind them (reading the importance of each guideline gives a brief explanation) If you do not like them you do not have to follow them, these are my guidelines custom for me.

Beginnings of a Princess

Ever since I was a little girl I thought I was a princess. I don't mean a snooty little rich girl who gets everything she wants, but a regal an honourable woman who lives a life of simplicity and respect. I would read etiquette books and wear dainty dresses, style my hair in the prettiest ways I knew how, and talk as the princesses did in my fairytale books.

As time passed and I grew older, I stepped out of this phase of wanting to be a princess and met some dark times. I tried new things and personalities. The typical things any teenager does to find oneself, but I never did lose the feeling and appreciation for princess behaviour completely. Having a deep interest in Japanese culture, primarily the more neo-culture, I discovered this fashion called Lolita. Completely in love with the lace and frill and modern princessy look of it all I fell in love. I made wishlists and drew pictures and completely indulged in everything cute or "kawaii." But I still felt disconnected, empty. Simply having these things didn't fulfill something, but what was it?

I spent years thinking that material items would fill that void - in vain. Nothing seemed to quench my thirst, nothing! I made friends and met people who were more educated in the Lolita fashion and Japanese culture, though try as they might, nothing solved my problem. Suddenly one day while looking through my favourite online Lolita stores, I stumbled upon something called Hime Gyaru.

Hime Gyaru means princess girl in Japanese, and to put it short, the fashion is like a less dressy but more gaudy version of Sweet Lolita. Gorgeous hair gorgeous nails gorgeous everything! I researched Hime Gyaru because as any proper fashionista knows, it is always better to be educated in fashion than to jump in blindly! I learned that Hime Gyaru isn't just about fashion but also about lifestyle. They live every day looking and acting like a princess, maintaining that delicate and brilliant disposition as I had longed for as a little girl! You can only imagine how excited this made me.

I continued to indulge myself in internet sites about Hime Gyaru and living the ways of a princess ( take a look at The Princess Portal for an excellent explanation ) and I finally found that one glorious thing that could fill my void. I found not only a beautiful fashion but a beautiful lifestyle that I knew as a little girl, and know now as a young adult, would be perfect for me. This is my life as a princess, my life as an honourable and respectable adult.