Happy News! - Evergreen Beauty School

So today I went into Evergreen Beauty School to see if I could get some financial aid and everything thing else related. The main reason why I would not be eligible is because my mother filed for bankruptcy a while ago and also did some deferring on some other finances which messed up her ability to be able to attend there and seek financial aid. Without the aid there is no way I would be able to attend so as you can see this was a very big deal for me. The reason why what she did might effect me is because even though I am eighteen, they still refer to my parent's tax information until I am twenty five. When we got there everyone was in a particularly good mood which helped to lighten my spirits. I am an optimist as stated in one of my earlier posts titled Optimism (I am so creative with names, I know), but regardless I still could not help but feel a sense of suspense as we waited in the nice financial aid manager's office.

My mother and I filled out all of the information and sat for what seemed to be the longest five minutes of my life in anticipation of what was to come. To my delight I turned out eligible but what made it even more fantastic is that the aid covered $16,101 of my $16,600 worth of tuition (in grants and in loans). This news has made me so giddy and happy that I have been smiling nonstop since and wiggling. Yes, wiggling. I wiggle when I am particularly excited or happy. I do not know why that is so but it is and I embrace it. :)

So I am going in Monday, October 4th for my interview which consists of me filling out a bunch of papers and officially enrolling me just in time for November quarter. My life is falling in place so wonderfully. This is such a nice break from all the mountains I have had to climb. It is about time my future became present. Yes friends I will be cutting and styling hair very soon, working my dream job and living with my boyfriend. What more could I ask? I am very proud of myself and so thankful for those who have been supportive and helped me along the way such as my mother, my boyfriend, my best friends, and my grandparents. Without this team behind me I do not think I ever would of stood a chance in life. But here I am on the threshold of my adulthood.

I am a very very happy princess.

Halloween Themed Ghost Nails, Pink Cuff

I decided to take a break from the excessive girlishness kick I have been on and do something a little more holiday appropriate. So I made some cute yet spooky Halloween nails! Now if you read my blog last year around this time you should of seen the post Samhain Is Soon where I basically explained how I do not religiously celebrate Halloween but the Wiccan equivalent, Samhain. Still I do enjoy dressing up and taking my little sisters trick or treating and making cute Halloween themed goodies! If you would like to know more on my beliefs and Samhain, go ahead and click the link then read on. And now for the pictures.



Ghosties! I sculpted the cute little guys and hand painted the stars, grass, and moon for a nighttime feel. Because I mean really, how often do you hear of daytime ghosts? Tehe~ The Ghosts are made out of polymer clay. Here is a close up.



Okay so it isn't so much spooky as it is adorable but still! I stayed away from the pink, ribbons, and lace and stayed true to the Halloween spirit. Well... Until I decided to make this cuff which is completely unrelated.





This was so fun to make and I plan on making many more in various colours. Please excuse the mess in the background, my roommate was folding her laundry ,oh, and excuse the picture quality as well (and as usual). Unfortunately I could not take a picture of me wearing it or rather, there would be no point due to the fact that my wrists are particularly small. Seriously, I have to take precaution when wearing most of my bracelets because they have the tendency to fly off into oblivion never to be seen again (I talk with my hands which my boyfriend so affectionately makes fun of me for). Oh well~ This just means I will have to make smaller cuffs for myself and those with particularly small wrists. That just means even more additions to my inventory which will soon be made available in my shop. In the meantime please enjoy the spooky cuteness and excessive frill. Thank you!

Update, Posts Removed

I have removed my auto-biography posts and put them in a new blog that I made today. The new blog has been made invite only and will not be advertised due to the sensitive nature of the content. I especially apologize to those who were particularly interested in following my auto-biography, I really did not want to have to make it private but because of some potential legal matters, I needed to. There is not much else to be said other than please continue to enjoy the rest of my blog and have a nice day!

:)

Tres Jolie, Baby Blue Hime Gyaru Nails

I have been working on things that I will be selling on my Etsy.com account. The overall theme of the items is Hime Gyaru, Lolita, and all around girly with the occasional quirky, kitchy, cute! Among the variety of goodies are fake nails that I have designed and hand decorated/painted. This is what I have done so far but no worries, I definitely will be posting the others as they are made (I am working on a graveyard themed set for Halloween!)





The nails are in no particular order other than the obvious pinky to thumb sizing. As I say and will continue to say for every picture taken with my cell phone, I apologize for the poor quality.









In addition to the nails I also decorated some cute little containers that will store the nails and keep them safe when being shipped. :)







And that is it! Sorry this is such a short post but what all can I really tell you? I decorated nails, a container, and they are pretty. The end. Regardless, I hope you enjoyed your stay~

Sweet Lolita Bag

Hello! I have been crafting away in my little basement bedroom (it is the perfect size for me) since I learned how to use my sewing machine (finally), and I decided it was time that I use my favourite fabric by some guy I cannot remember the name of. I have held off for two years on using that fabric because I wanted to make sure that when I did use it, nothing was wasted. So I made myself a bag!

Sweet Lolita really is not my preferred style of Lolita but I must say I do love the accessories. Sweet Lolita is not very flattering on me so I generally stick to Classic Lolita or Gothic Lolita because it suites my taste as well as my figure. This does not mean that I do not have a weak spot for bright pink and sweet prints, lace, and pastel colours. Oh no, quite the opposite. Which is why I made this!





The picture quality is terrible because I use my cell phone to take the pictures, but regardless there it is! My own Sweet Lolita bag that I have been using ever since I made it (this morning, haha). I really need to iron it. You cannot tell me that, that fabric is not just so cute. It is bright but not too bright, covered in goodies but not too much going on, and very durable! I like fashion AND function.



(Hey look, there is my Hello Kitty wallet) I cut up an old skirt I use to wear when I was fat so I could give it extra durability as well as a nice interior. However I do need to apply some lace over the stitches and mess to finalize the project and make it look better in general. I fought with my sewing machine so much during this project. Seriously, it was absolutely ridiculous yet I remained composed (mostly) and stepped away so I could come back to it with a calm mind. All in all I am very happy with my new bag and it was totally worth the bickering between me and the machine. I can guarantee that there will be more projects to come and maybe even some tutorials! Tata~

Pets

So my boyfriend and I want to get a pet (and by a pet I mean one out of many future pets) when we get our own place. The thing is, we tend to lean more towards the exotic pets. And by exotic I mean piranhas, eat-your-entire-body snakes, pygmy marmosets, giraffes, wolves, and ... Ferrets. Okay so a ferret is not exactly exotic but the point is what we want is not easy to get, except for the obvious ferret which is what we will most likely end up getting. He hates cats, I love them. I am not too keen on dogs and he loves them. We have our slight (and very few) differences but regardless what are we to do? That is literally our list and I have to admit that the more exotic creatures are the ones that I particularly want.

Such as giraffe. I absolutely love giraffes. My bedroom is loaded with various giraffe themed items. My love started when I was an itty bitty princess about four years old. My mother took me to the zoo and when I saw the giraffes I was so tickled by how ridiculous they look that I excitedly squealed, "Eraffs! Eraffs!" I have adored them ever since.



I mean just look at them! Look at those dreamy big eyes and silly fuzzy horns. Could anything be any cuter? Well yes actually. My boyfriend wants a wolf or a husky. Thing is, is that we will be living in an apartment and an apartment is no place for that kind of a dog. Plus I do not think the attendants would appreciate a wolf being on their premises. Which is why I came up with the most adorable and perfect alternative!



A pug! Okay so it isn't exactly a wolf or a husky, but it would fit perfectly in an apartment (or my purse)! When I brought this idea up with him he was at first quiet. The expression on his face at first said, "There goes ten manly points." but to my surprise he then actually agreed. Apparently he has a soft spot for little bitty dogs. Needless to say I was very pleased. It may not be a wolf but it sure is cute! Though my boyfriend does need something that will restore those lost manly points. Which is where piranhas fit into this.



Yes piranhas. He absolutely loves these things and to be honest I think they are kinda cute in a that-fish-could-totally-kill-me sort of way. It is like an adorable scaly mini fish of death! :D I am bound and determined to get him one. There is a particular breed of piranha that he likes which also happens to be the most aggressive and worse yet, expensive breed of piranha. I cannot remember the name right now but if I do I will be sure to post a link here. In the meantime however, since we're on the theme of minuscule pets, lets talk pygmy marmosets.



Is that not the most adorable thing you have ever seen?! The best part is, is that they are actually LEGAL to own! Oh my goodness I would be the happiest girl in the world if I owned one of those. Look at that face! In fact this thing is just so cute I have to post another picture.



I cannot help but do that horribly obnoxious high pitched "awww!" that every girl in the entire world does when they see something so unbelievably cute. Yes my friends, that is the pet that I would kill for. Not really, but I would do a lot to own one of those adorable, tiny, itty bitty, teensy weensy, cutie, little, fuzz balls! I can just imagine sharing grapes with it. Oh my gosh I need to move on to the next pet on our list before I shatter glass with more squeals of sheer enthrallment.



My boyfriend wants a snake. But not just any kind of snake. He wants a super huge snake that could swallow a small child. I completely support this with the exception of you would basically have to steal small children in order to keep one of those things fed and that is just too much legal stuff for me to handle. I like snakes a lot. They are like a necklace, bracelet, and pet all in one! How they move just fascinates me. Plus they have cute tongues. Another problem if we got one of the huge snakes is where would we keep it? I know I didn't bring this issue up when talking about the giraffe but that is beside the point. Frankly I do not want to worry about tripping over a snake when I get up to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.

We have discussed the rather exotic pets so now lets move on to the less exciting but still really appealing, ferret!



If we got a ferret it would be like having all of these pets in one. Ferrets are elongated like a snake, they have sharp teeth like a piranha, they are cuddly like a pug, they eat treats with you and climb on your shoulder like a pygmy marmoset. The only pet it does not cover is the giraffe. I am sure I could think of something if I really tried, but the point is that a ferret encompasses everything we want in a pet. We want something we can interact with, cuddle, and sick on unsuspecting guests. Yes friends, the more I think about it the more I see us getting a ferret as our first pet. Though I still say we should get a pygmy marmoset. But then again I would be kind of worried about it being sucked up the vacuum or eaten by my boyfriend. The funny thing is, I am not kidding.

Lolita Inspired Candy Pin Cushion

I am so happy! I finally figured out how to set up my Janome Hello Kitty sewing machine (I am a beginner and yes it is a Hello Kitty machine, so cute!) and made my first item. As the title implies, a Lolita inspired candy pin cushion! The first line of stitches is crooked and not that great, the second and third show improvement, and finally when you reach my final line it is perfect! Yes, I am very proud of myself. I come from a long line of crafters, DIYers, and the artistically inclined. Luckily for me I inherited these wonderful genes and discovered at an early age that I have quite a knack for them. Now do not get me wrong, I am not bragging by any means. Mistakes happen here and there but it is all a learning process. No, I am not bragging, I am taking pride in what runs through my veins. Enough rambling on my part, on to the pictures!



I apologize in advance for the poor quality images. My cell phone does the best it can and my digital camera currently lays dead on my desk. Poor thing... This is the most accurate colour representation of the picture lot. If you look to the left you can see my first line of stitches. Very uneven and too loosely applied. But then if you look to the right you can see progress! :D Hurray!



This is a close up of the fabric. Isn't it beautiful? Normally I am not too keen on purple, not that I do not find it pretty, just it is not my favourite colour but this fabric really caught my eye. The lilacs are so dainty and the cream colour base of the fabric is just so complimentary. I could not help but use it.

In addition to my sewing I have also been embroidering a handkerchief that my Grandmother gave me. It is not quite complete yet but this is the work thus far:



As you can see it is not much but I will be sure to post pictures when I am done. The roses are based off an embroidery technique called the spider rose technique. It is super easy and very fun to do with such lovely results. That is all for now but I will be sure to post more of the things I make as I complete them which should be quite a lot considering I will be reopening my store soon and selling the various treats I have made! Thank you for reading, bye bye~

Inadequacy

My greatest fear is that I will never be good enough. It is a feeling that I cannot shake and something that makes me tremble. I do not think that everyone is better than me nor do I feel any need to be number one, but if I hold an important position in someones life I do not want to be replaced. I do not want them to find someone better than me and I do not want to become a dust covered nuisance. Though my fear does not stop with how a person I care about values me.

I am at an age where I am sitting at the doorway of adulthood and my future is staring me in the face saying, "Whatever move you make determines the rest of your life so if you mess up it is all on you." The responsibility of taking charge of ones own life is a common anxiety felt by most but in my case I feel as though if I don't hurry up and grab the reigns then I will fail. I have so many valuable attributes and I could definitely present the world with something great if given the chance, but I feel so inadequate due to my mental and emotional problems.

I have ADHD, manic-depressive bipolar disorder, OCD, CSP, clinical depression, general anxiety disorder, panic disorder, and posttraumatic stress disorder. Dealing with these things often leads to a feeling of inadequacy. Over the years therapy and medication have helped to teach me how to work with those things as well as maintain them in a healthy manner. I have grown to be a stronger person whom I am proud of and yet, despite my very best, I still feel so defective.

I like to live with an optimistic perspective because it helps me to press forward. Though I cannot deny my gut-wrenching fear of not being good enough, which often leads to a series of panic attacks and anxiety, and though I try to aid myself in hopes to become "good enough" such as with losing weight (unfortunately I will find any excuse to reside in my eating disorders anorexia and bulimia. My boyfriend has helped tremendously though and I have been working hard on being healthier.), I am working on conquering that sick feeling and fear of inadequacy.

I have chosen to state this fear because it is my first step in facing it head on. No longer am I in denial and I have addressed it publicly in order to make it "official" in my mind. This is just one more step in bettering myself as a person and I am proud of myself for the progress I have made.

Remember friends, you are good enough. You are worth it.

Hime Gyaru Nails

It has been so long! It has also been a particularly long time since I have posted anything about something less serious. As you know, I take a particular interest in princess and classic lolita fashion but this doesn't stop at just the clothing. If you are faithful to hime gyaru style (princess girl style) or just fancy yourself glamorous doses of girlie loveliness, then you know that decorated finger nails are a perfect way to feel glitzy and flashy without emptying your bank account.

Today I decided I needed exactly that. So I sat down with my new nail polish called "Princesses Rule" by O.P.I. and my big box of nail decorations, and went to work! I have to say that I was so happy with the final product that I decided I should make a blog post and show off my hard work. I am quite pleased with myself though I am worried the bow (that I made myself) might come off in my sleep. After five layers of top/base coat you can only hope it would be glued on properly. Anyway, here they are, my very excessively decorated nails. Enjoy.



















Tada! Pay no mind to the miscellaneous in the background. I honestly could not tell you what exactly all that is so it is best just to ignore them. Thank you for looking at my nails, I hope I could possibly inspire someone to do their own! Have a nice day.